The Bitter and Sweet of an Empty House

Mamas, ever feel like you are just never alone? And you want to be?

This is not “I wish I never had kids!” want to be alone. It’s just the “Wait, what does silence sound like? I think I’ve forgotten; it was so long ago.”

You get away on your own often enough; but it’s to a busy store with florescent lights and other people (Oh wait.That’s Target, my happy place.), or it’s to an appointment where there are other people or with The Hubs. But wait. That’s another person.

I absolutely love being with Andy. Being alone with him is rare and golden so I’m not diminishing that. I just sometimes want to be in the comfort of my own home, in my stretchy pants, messy hair don’t care,  eating chips, in the quiet, alone.

I think a mom or two can relate, right? This never ever happens, though. Ever. Partly it’s my fault. I decided to homeschool. That’s on me.

This past weekend The Hubs took the kids to Daddy Camp. Whoever came up with this genius plan, I love you! I wasn’t expecting him to take H. I’m not sure why I didn’t think he was old enough. He’s almost 5 and The Hubs is more than capable of watching the kiddos alone.

Nevertheless, I found myself with what I’d always wished for…. a weekend alone.

What would I do with my time? Would I just relax or try to knock out a project? Would I do something I normally can’t get done with people in the house? The possibilities were endless. As the day drew closer, I began to get more and more excited.

Here’s what I decided to do and what I banned myself from doing:

I would write. It’s hard to write with all the distractions of a house full of people. I have to get up early before the kids (which never seems to happen) or stay up late. (Netflix wins here more than I’d like to admit.) I need to write, though. I miss it when I don’t.

I would sleep in. 

I would knock out one mini project. 

I would read and read and read to my heart’s content.

Here’s what I would not do:

I would not hang out or talk on the phone. I know this sounds introverted and I’m not an introvert. I just wanted to be alone. Plain and simple.

I would not do housework. Just no.

Going into my glorious weekend alone, I felt pretty certain about a few things.

One, I knew I would like the silence at first and then I probably wouldn’t. When my family has been gone for an afternoon, I’m always glad when they come home. I’ve enjoyed the “Jen time”; but after all these years, I’m conditioned to have a low (sometimes high) hum of activity surrounding me at all times.

Two, I knew I would love and hate waking up to an empty quiet house.

Three, I would love having a “writing weekend”. I just hoped the pressure to get writing done while everyone was gone wouldn’t somehow give me writer’s block.

So how did my weekend go?

Were my predictions about my weekend correct?

I’ll be honest. I loved the quiet. Though, as expected, it was weird waking up to an empty house, eerie almost. But I knew I needed to enjoy it because it was fleeting. I would not like it on a regular basis, though.

On that note, being alone is not for me. I knew this; but it’s just a good reminder. I am a people person and I like having people around me. I just need pockets of quiet and alone time to recharge.

I really enjoyed not sneaking past H’s room ninja style to get to the coffee pot without waking him up. But, I missed that sleepy eyed, bed headed little sprite who wakes me up most mornings. I also missed seeing my little girl’s face in the morning with messy hair in a Minion robe.

While I got stuff done (which felt nice), I was reminded that I’m not supposed to get a ton of stuff done right now. My main stuff is Andy and my two blonde babies. When I feel like I don’t get “stuff” done it’s because the real important stuff of being a mom and wife is getting done.

How’s that for an a-ha moment?

All in all the weekend rocked! It rained. I wrote and listened to Boomer snore. There was no writer’s block this weekend. Quite the opposite. All the words that had been bouncing around in my brain over the past week came gushing out. By the end of the weekend, I was worded out and needed a break. By then, I was itching to have everyone in my arms so I could smother them with kisses.

Listen Mamas, we need time like this every once in awhile. Maybe this will only happen once a year at daddy camp; but time away or alone to recharge is vital. We all get to the end our ropes and have meltdowns as mom. We just have them less often when there is a balance. One way to have balance is to get some time to yourself once in awhile.

My weekend alone was mostly sweet. I would most definitely do it again. But not for awhile.

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