The second book is The Valley of Vision and it’s a Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions. These are one page prayers with rich language, so beautiful and deep. I often read a prayer through and then about two more times to let it sink in. You cannot speed read through this book and you wouldn’t want to.
You can read all the 31 Day Challenge Writing Posts here.
There were a few books, but one book in particular, that God used to open my eyes and change my thinking about the frantic race I was running in my life. That book was The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer.
He is a former head pastor of a megachurch who saw that if he continued the pace he was running in ministry it would ruin his family, his marriage, and his health.
This book is glowing yellow with hightlighted sentences; but one of my favorite quotes from Comer is, “Hurry and love are incompatible.”
The idea that doing less was actually a way of showing my family and the other people in my life love was a new thought to me.
This quote from his book was very convicting, “Satan doesn’t show up as a demon with a pitchfork ………He’s far more intelligent than we give him credit for. Today, you’re far more likely to run into the enemy in the form of an alert on your phone while you’re reading your Bible or a multi-day Netflix binge or a full on dopamine addiction to Instagram or a Saturday morning at the office or another soccer game on a Sunday or commitment after commitment after commitment in a life of speed.”
This is Day #7 in my 31 Day Writing Challenge: Unhurried Joy.
I actually wrote this post almost 3 years ago. You can read the original post here. ( I just cleaned up some messy sentences.) The girl in the post is me, obviously. It is honestly one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my life. It quite literally changed me. It’s also one of the favorite things I’ve written. I’m still writing about this idea of unhustling and joy and running in the lane God has for me. It’s still changing my life. Hope you enjoy it.
There once was a girl………
There once was a girl who looked around at the world with all the people coming and going, doing and striving, They seemed to whiz past her in a hurry. She saw them reaching and comparing, judging and in turn, feeling judged, a frazzled and exhausted cast of characters.
Her heart was heavy because while she loved this world and the people in it, she felt alone and unseen. She didn’t feel like she quite belonged here, in this racing, blurry world. Yet, this was the world where she lived.
Again, she loved the people in this world; but she felt a bit like a square peg in a round hole. You know how you find a piece to your puzzle and it looks like it fits; but when you try to push the piece into the empty space the edges don’t quite match up? You press your thumb and wedge the piece in; but it never quite fills the space. It’s functional; but it’s not where the piece belongs.
She noticed that the people who were the busiest, knew the most people and seemed to always be in the know. Their lives were full of activities and this must be where the happiness and fulfillment was. Everyone else was running; and so she felt that she must run, too. Isn’t that just what everyone did? And though it went against her nature, she jumped into the race, the fray, and she began to hustle.
While her calendar was full, her heart felt empty. The busiest people weren’t the happiest after all because she was not that happy. She noticed when she asked her friends how they were that often the first words out of their mouths were, “I’m sooo busy.” “You should see my calendar!” “It’s the season I’m in.” “It’s all about the kids, you know.” What bothered her the most was that sometimes she heard those words come out of her mouth.
She missed the days of a good talk with a dear friend. It seemed as if everyone was running off to the next thing. Running, always running. She knew life was busy and busy wasn’t necessarily bad; but the days of connecting seemed to be dwindling.
It’s not that she wanted to shut down completely, hole up in her house and become a hermit. Ok, sometimes she did. She wasn’t an introvert per say ( Though, there is definitely nothing wrong with being one.) She loved talking to people and meeting new friends. She loved laughing and connecting with old friends. She wasn’t an extrovert either. Her favorite times were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie with her family as well as curling up alone with a book for the afternoon.
As she said yes to more things and no to the things that really mattered, she felt less and less content with her own life. She kept comparing herself to the pace others around her were keeping and wondered why she couldn’t keep up. Why couldn’t she do it all? When she couldn’t keep up she felt lazy, though she was mentally and often physically exhausted. When she wasn’t in the loop, she felt lonely. To be in the loop, though, required more hustling.
One day, she decided that she needed to stop; but she didn’t know how. Then the world helped her out and stopped for her. Literally, everything shut down. (enter The Pandemic)
Eventually the world picked back up where it had left off. (And with a vengenence I might add.) But she did not.
It felt weird at first, like she “should be doing more”. More of what? She wasn’t quite sure. She fought the urge to do more. She quit using her default answer of the automatic “yes” and just stopped.
She breathed. She let herself be still. For the first time, in a long time, she just listened. She let herself sit in the awkward and uncomfortable silence and listen. When she listened she began to hear her fears rise to the surface. Nobody enjoys this process; but it was the best thing she could have done. The biggest fear that revealed itself was the thought that If she didn’t move, if she didn’t contribute, if she didn’t do all the things, than who was she?
In those quiet, uncomfortable moments, she knew that what shedid could no longer define who shewas. It was as if a heavy stone had been lifted from her chest.
Stopping saved her.
Let’s fast forward just a bit.
The girl still has a family. Her days are still full of home, and chores, and carpooling. There is play practice and soccer games. There are Monday night family dinners as well as back to back orthodontist appointments. There is church and meetings and Co-op. There’s book club, of course. (Always book club.) There are all the things, mundane and exciting, that make up a life. It is still busy.
The difference was the striving was gone. The need to add another thing to the calendar was gone. The lie she had told herself that to be important and have a full life meant her calendar must be bursting at the seemswas debunked. The belief that feeling guilty that she wasn’t doing enough (or having her kids do enough) was a normal feeling, and was just to be expected, revealed itself to be another lie. Saying yes to everything had kept her from doing anything that she really wanted to do and sadly; it had kept her from what she was supposed to be doing.
The fear of being overlooked and unseen, well it happens to us all and will continue to happen. She didn’t die from it. She realized that the people who saw her and cared for her would continue to do so, no matter what she did or didn’t do. It wasn’t the size of the circle. It was who she was surrounded by.
Unhustling did make her life less busy, but not by a whole lot. The calendar is full but it’s not bursting at the seams. There are white spaces of nothing from time to time. She became intentional about speaking truth to herself. She worried less about what others thought and asked God what He wanted. What a thought! She took a breath and paused before each answer. Sometimes, the answer was “yes”. Sometimes it was “no” or “not right now”. She learned a lot and is still learning. Maybe you’ve learned some of these lessons, too.
She learned that busy does not equate with a good or fulfilling life.
She learned that the amount of hustle is not a gauge of success or worth.
She learned that her peace of mind really does matter and can be a priority even when she gives of herself to others.
She learned that how often you feed your mind and soul with God’s truth and with things and people that bring you joy is important. You can do that and get the laundry done at the same time.
She learned that running in 10 directions at once with a frazzled mind did not make her a super mom; it just made her super sad.
Most importantly, she learned that being busy was not the culprit. Being busy with the wrong things was.
She acknowledged that some people have a greater capacity for a busier life and that she was not one of those people.
And so she stepped out of the lane that she was never supposed to be running in and she asked God where her lane was and how he would like her to run in it. Sometimes it’s a slow limp; but that’s okay too.
So here’s the journey she’s on now- The Great Unhustling….
There once was a girl who looked around at the world with all the people coming and going, confident in where she was headed.
I’m a little behind on my witing challenge; but I am 100 % blaming the heat. We’ve had the most unpleasant heatwave here in Northern California this past week. Days of 100 + degree weather. We have no AC so we are basically slow roasting in our house.
This weekend was City Cup. Henry played four games over two days, with the afternoon games reaching up to 104 degrees. We cheered and we melted.
So, I’m cutting myself a break this week and do my best to post every day. We are just trying not to die over here.
Watching these boys play this weekend reminded me what a blessing it is to have a healthy kid whose body can move and do amazing things. I’m just feeling thankful and thankful that I can watch him, even as I sweat buckets. (Please cool down, Norcal. I can’t take much more of this!)
You can read all the 31 Day Writing Challenge Posts here.
I don’t think Jesus was in a hurry. I don’t think he hustled. Jesus taught us many and all things; but something specifically He taught us in His Word was about Sabbath and rest.
In one of my favorite books about slowing down, unhurrying, and rest, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer says, “Hurry and love are incompatible.”
I’ve been thinking about how in my hurried, frantic moments I tend to show the least kindness, patience, and compassion. Could the act of me slowing down be a way that I show love to the people in my life?Can it determine how I show up for others?
Comer also says, “There’s a reason why people talk about ‘walking’ with God and not ‘running’ with God. It’s because God is love.” I love the truth that God does not need me to push and strive. He just wants me to walk with Him.
You can read days #1-#4 of my 31 Days Writing Challenge here.
Before I jump into today’s post, let me just say that I do think that having a life that is less busy and less stressful does require you doing less. It’s just basic math. I do think doing less is a component of a joyful life. Not THE ONLY component.
Try as we might, some seasons are just plain busy. It’s life and we got to live it as it comes.
So I head into a very busy weekend, I thought you,, reader, might be doing the same.
Do you have a 4 game soccer tournament this weekend where the temps are going to be in the 100’s? You too? No kidding!!
I’m going set my expectations lower this weekend. Everything I wrote on my do-list at the beginning of the week that is not done…. right this minute is not getting done. I repeat. It’s not getting done.
I did my best this week and Monday morning Jen was bright eyed and bushy tailed. She was optimistic. Bless her Monday heart. Friday night Jen has run the gauntlet. And she did it in unspeakably hot weather.To put it plainly, she’s pooped.
This weekend is about soccer, cheering on H, pony tails, baseball hats, sunscreen, and hours on the field in our folding chaires. City Cup comes once a year. I’m soaking up every minute of it.
I spend a lot of time in the car. I have two teenagers and neither one has a license yet. I am what one might call a chauffeur or an uber driver who does not charge.
Sometimes we are racing the clock and following a strict schedule to get to all the places on time. And then there are times when I’m waiting…. and waiting…. Waiting for practice to be over. Waiting for youthgroup that is letting out late. The pick-up line at school.
Two things are a must. A good podcast or a good book (paper or audio). Don’t have time to read? Just wait for your kid in car line with a book.
But here’s the joy part. Because waiting in car-line physically slows you down; but inside my mind and heart can still be racing. There are such few years I get to do this. Pretty soon she’ll be driving and she won’t need me to give her rides anymore. She’ll need me a little less.
I can’t even begin to fathom my 11 year old son driving. I’m not even going to go there.
Check out Days one and two of my 31 Day Writing Challenge here and here
It’s quite comical that one of the themes of this month’s writing challenge is joy when the second day of my favorite month was 104 degrees! That’s right. One hundred and freakin’ four degress. Excuse the language; but I’m in a bit of a heat induced tizzy.
It is challenging to be joyful when you are a delicate hot house flower (That’s me. I’m the flower.) and it feels hotter than hell’s front porch outside. Come on! This is not, I repeat not, pumpkin patch weather.
Yet, joy is to be found. That’s why I’m writing this post at 8:30 at night, outside, in my back yard where it feels much cooler and I’m much less complainy.
Ok, let’s move on and focus on the word “unhurried” which I believe can lead to joy. When I think of hurry and stress, I think busy.
I am busy. I know; big surprise.
New flash: We are all busy. Ok, most of us are busy. If you have a job and have other people that depend on you for anything in any way, you are busy. I’m not going to list all the things that make me busy because I’m sure you can write the same, if not longer list.
Here’s the fact we can’t get around, circumvent or manipulate: time. You have a certain amount of hours in your day. If you fill that little box in your planner (or slot on your digital calendar) with more things than you can possibly accomplish, you won’t just be busy. Eventually you will be miserable. You will be cranky, not a present friend, a short- tempered mom, or a sleep deprived zombie with a severe eye twitch who somehow finds themselves on one of those Instagram pages dedicated to Karens.
You don’t want that. Do you?
So right now, go take an eraser (pencil or whiteboard or your index finger for the 98% of you who keep your calendar on your phone) and erase something off your to-do list for the week. Just do it. No one will die, the world will keep spinning on it’s axis, your kids will survive, they will figure it out.
My life is not about relaxing right now. I can most definitely have relaxing moments and stretches of time. But the reality is that I’m a mom with kids, soccer practices, tutoring sessions, homeschooling, a husband who works long shifts, and apparently everyone wants to eat at least 3 meals a day and wear clean clothes. Also, I have a 16 year old who is now learning to drive my car. Feeling relaxed is not on the table. right now.
We have to do less. We just have to. We can’t fill every moment of every day. We have to get out that eraser and be ruthless, at least just a little bit. In other words, let’s see some white space on that calendar.
You can read the first post in my self-imposed 31 Day Writing Challenge here
*Scroll down to see all the posts in this 31 Day Writing Challenge
Day #1 My self imposed mini writing challenge.
Fall, in general, but October specifically tends to be one of the busiest months for me. So, of course, I thought now would be a great time to challenge myself to write every day for 31 days on a blog I haven’t written for since last December.
Yup, a perfect plan.
Years ago, when I wrote more regularly, I joined this 31 day writing challenge with a bunch of other writers. The challenge was run by a blogger I used to follow and many writers participated. The idea behind picking a topic and writing about that one topic for 31 days was to get writers into a habit of writing.
Just like training for a marathon really only works if you run every day. Running once a month won’t cut it. So I’ve been told. I hate running. You get the idea, though. The writing muscle is the same. You do not knock out a novel or screen play your first time out.
The only time I’ve done this sort challenge was in October. I guess that’s why I’m doing it now. I’ve really wanted to get back into writing. In fact, I think I need to write. My writing muscle has been out of use for quite awhile and it needs to get back into shape.
This idea of being unhurried and slowing down during a busy season is something I’ve been thinking about, talking about with friends, and working out in my own life over the past few years.. I think true joy springs up when we take a lot of the rush and distraction out of our lives. I think I can write about that for a month. I’m going to try anyway.
I’m going to do my darndest to write every day. What exactly I’m going to write about…….. well, that’s part of the fun. I’m not entirely sure. Unhurrying, unhustling, finding joy. and a general appreciation of fall will be the theme. There will be a post about pumpkins because it’s me, the self-proclaimed Pumpkin Queen!
Here’s to month of writing muscle workouts!
You can read all the days of my 31 Day Writing Challenge here.
I gave up on super detailed lists (with time slots assigned to tasks), though, a long time ago.
I’m still a paper planner girl; and I must write things down and see them on paper, rather than my phone.
I would never start my daily to do’s on time or finish them in said allotted time.
Life rarely happens on time. Not my time anyway.
Instead, I began to find a rhythm to my day and stuck with that.
I find that the rhythm of my days change with seasons. That means actual seasons but also seasons of life.
This last year of life, these last 12 months have looked like……..
Lily going to (real) school for the time ever.
My mom’s death.
Winter.
Boomer’s death.
Spring.
End of school year madness.
Summer.
Many trips and family time and getting back to nature.
Rest.
Rest and nature.
Now fall.
My winter rhythm was different, of course, than spring’s. Spring was much busier. Activities that had taken a hiatus started back up again. The days got longer. Warmer. In homeschool land, we shook off the coziness and slowness of winter and geared up to finish out the year, hopefully strong.
My winter was different this past year from any other year. My rhythm wasn’t much of a rhythm. It was more of a “Let’s just get through the days.”
Let’s just get through the holidays.
Let’s just get through my mom’s birthday.
Let’s just get through the memorial service.
After we bury her, things will get back to normal.
Lily going to school each day and tennis, homework, basket ball practice for H, Awana, youth group, our homeschool co-op day……those activities all helped me put one foot in front of the other during this last winter and spring. It wasn’t that my rhythm was off. I had no rhythm of any kind. I just woke up, did all the things, and was so glad to crawl back into bed each day.
Death and grief have it’s own rhythm.
I’m so thankful that rhythms change, though. Spring came after a winter of what seemed like a never ending successions of storms ( You know the kind of weather where you scream, ” I can’t handle another rainy day!) Then we had the unexpected joy of snow. Snow? Of all things, snow. It was magical. Eventually, the days got longer and the sun began to shine.
My heart began to feel lighter and the tears, while they came, didn’t seem to come quite as often.
I had a realization. My thought was, “Grief has taken up a seat at the table and I can’t ask it to leave. I can walk with it, though. I guess I don’t really have a choice.” Grief had fallen into step in my new spring rhythm.
Spring came with it’s own rhythm and it’s own brand of busy.
Summer came and I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t wait for all the activities to stop and for school to pause. I was counting down the days to when Lily came home and I didn’t have to ask, “So, what’s for homework?” I was ready to relish in the days of shorts, no shoes and trips to the pool. I was ready to not feel so sad all the time.
Summer was delightful. It had it’s own rhythm with a kind of low key, unstructured chaos. I love summer.
And here I come, full circle in my year. Fall.
I love summer but fall is my favorite.
The rhythm has changed again. Slowly this time. Soccer started back up. Then school. Then youth group. Then our Co-op and now Awana. The Hubs has a completely different schedule this next stretch. Thankfully all these changes didn’t happen at once. I’m learning to find my new cadence in this new season.
We recently came up on a year without my mom. Grief looks a little different now. It doesn’t hurt any less, I don’t miss her any less. I think there is an acceptance of “this is just the way things are now” that can only come with time. I’ve just made room for it. Grief is just an expression of the love we have for someone we can’t express it to anymore. It’s beautiful actually.
I’m ready for fall. I’m ready for cooler nights, baking homemade apple pie, making stews and soups. I’m ready for all things pumpkins. Give me all the pumpkins! I’m ready for watching Nightmare Before Christmas with my family while wearing my Jack Skellington socks. We are neck deep in soccer and co-op with Henry. Lily is loving school and is on the hunt for a homecoming dress. I’m ready for this new rhythm and embracing the busyness of fall while looking for those moments to be still and read and write. And drink tea, of course.
