At the moment I’m sitting in a bed and breakfast, in the town of Mendocino, 2 1/2 hours from my hometown. As I look out my room window, I see the white weathered steeple of a church across the street. And I know that just beyond that church, a bit out of my eyesight, is the sea.

I turned 45 yesterday. Andy surprised me (as in I had no idea where I was going until I got there) with a birthday getaway. We are closing in on our second day away. We will head home tomorrow. It’s been so lovely being away, just with him, having an adventure. Two thoughts keep coming back to me and I can’t help but smile.

Number one: I was kissed by a giraffe yesterday! I touched that oddly beautiful face and fed it sweet potato slices. It was pretty magical.

Number two: I am unequivically and without a doubt middle aged now. There’s no denying it, no spinning it, no fudging. I’m middle aged. How. Did. That. Happen?

Just the other day I was 25 and starting a new teaching job. I had just moved to a brand new city and I met this guy…………..

20 years later: 2 kids, 3 dogs, 5 houses and completely different careers

Our life is busy, crazy, messy and I absolutely love it.

Year 44 was hard for me. It was hard and yet so much good came from it. God asked me to do and accept some difficult things. It can be a bit heartbreaking when life and people change and there is nothing you can do about it. So as I look down the barrel of 45, guess what I see ? Yes, more change. But I’m not afraid. Because change has helped me grow. I say, “Bring it on.”

Well, maybe I’m not that gung-ho about change. I’ll be honest. I do know, though, that everything will be good and God will have me where he wants me and how he wants me. That is what 44 taught me.

Being stretched can be scary and super uncomfortable; but I’m thankful for it.. More than anything, it reminded me how I need to depend on God for my strength and peace, completely. I feel like 45 is going to be amazing. I don’t know. I just have a feeling.

The months leading up to my 44th birthday were not my best. On the outside I probably looked fine; but inside I was not myself at all. My heart was sad and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pull myself out of a terrible funk. Looking back, I had some very unhealthy relationships. I needed to set boundaries, I needed to say, “No, I can’t do that for you.” I painfully needed to do some letting go.

But when I did, it made room for new things. New friendships. Reconnecting. I was willing to open up my mind to new things, even if they were out of my box and comfort zone. I learned (still learning) to not let my circumstances determine how I approach my life.

I spent a little bit of day one of year 45 writing down 45 things to be thankful for. I tried to be as specific as possible. Even if it was something that seemed silly or small, if it brought me joy or taught me a lesson, I wrote it down.

While I’ve done quite a bit of reflecting; I’m doing some dreaming too.
I hope when I’m 80, I’m still trying new things, going on adventures with my family, taking leaps of faith and making room for new friends and possibilities. You know the saying, “God isn’t done with me yet.” ? I can’t think of a better way to look at life.