There once was a girl………

There once was a girl who looked around at the world with all the people coming and going, doing and striving, They seemed to whiz past her in a hurry. She saw them reaching and comparing, judging and in turn, feeling judged, a frazzled and exhausted cast of characters.

Her heart was heavy because while she loved this world and the people in it, she felt alone and unseen. She didn’t feel like she quite belonged here, in this racing, blurry world. Yet, this was the world where she lived.

Again, she loved the people in this world but she felt a bit like a square peg in a round hole. You know how you find a piece to your puzzle and it looks like it fits; but when you try to push the piece into the empty space the edges don’t quite match up? You press your thumb and wedge the piece in; but it never quite fills the space. It’s functional; but it’s not where the piece goes.

She noticed that the people who were the busiest, knew the most people and seemed to always be in the know. There lives were full of activities and this must be where the happiness and fulfillment was. Everyone else was running and so she felt, that she must run, too. Isn’t that just what everyone did? And though it went against her nature, she jumped into the race, the fray, and she began to hustle.

While her calendar was full, her heart felt empty. The busiest people weren’t the happiest after all because she was not that happy. She noticed when she asked her friends how they were that often the first words out of their mouths were, “I’m sooo busy.” “You should see my calendar!” “It’s the season I’m in.” “It’s all about the kids, you know.” What bothered her the most was that sometimes she heard those words come out of her mouth.

She missed the days of a good talk with a dear friend. It seemed as if everyone was running off to the next thing. Running always running. She knew life was busy and busy wasn’t necessarily bad; but the days of connecting seemed to be dwindling.

It’s not that she wanted to shut down completely, hole up in her house and become a hermit. Ok, sometimes she did. She wasn’t an introvert per say ( Though, there is definitely nothing wrong with being one.) She loved talking to people and meeting new friends. She loved laughing and connecting with old friends. She wasn’t an extrovert either. Her favorite times were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie with her family as well up curling alone with a book for the afternoon.

As she said yes to more things and no to the things that really mattered, she felt less and less content with her own life. She kept comparing herself to the pace others around her were keeping and wondered why she couldn’t keep up. Why couldn’t she do it all? When she couldn’t keep up she felt lazy, though she was mentally and sometimes physically exhausted. When she wasn’t in the loop, she felt lonely. To be in the loop, though, required more hustling.

So, one day, she decided to stop. But how? Then the world helped her out and stopped for her. Literally, everything shut down. (Can I say thank you to 2020? Too soon?) Then the world picked back up, with a fierceness. But she did not.

It felt weird at first, like she “should be doing more”. More of what? She wasn’t quite sure. She fought the urge to do more. She changed her default answer of the automatic “yes” and just stopped.

She breathed. She let herself her be. For the first time, in a long time she just listened. She let herself sit in the awkward and uncomfortable silence and just listen. When she listened she began to hear her fears rise to the surface. Nobody enjoys this process; but it was the best thing she could have done. If she didn’t move, if she didn’t contribute, if she do all the things, than who was she? It was then that she knew that what she did could no longer define who she was.

Stopping saved her.

Let’s fast forward just a bit.

The girl still has a family. Her days were still full of home, and chores, and carpooling. There was play practice and soccer games. There were Monday night family dinners as well as back to back orthodontist appointments. There was church and meetings and Co-op. There was book club, of course. (Always book club.) There were all the things, mundane and exciting, that make up a life. It was still busy.

The difference was the striving was gone. The need to add another thing to the calendar was gone. The lie she had told herself that to be important and have a full life meant her calendar must be bursting at the seems was debunked. The belief that feeling guilty that she wasn’t doing enough (or having her kids do enough) was a normal feeling, and was just to be expected, revealed itself to be another lie. Saying yes to everything had kept her from doing anything that she really wanted to do and sadly, what she was supposed to be doing.

The fear of being overlooked and unseen, well it happens to us all and will continue to happen. She didn’t die from it. She realized the people that saw her and cared for her would, no matter what she did or didn’t do. It wasn’t the size of the circle. It was who she was surrounded by.

Life did make her life less busy, but not by a whole lot. The calendar is full but it’s not bursting at the seams. There are white spaces of nothing from time to time. She became intentional about speaking truth to herself. She worried less about what others thought and asked God what He wanted. What a thought? She took a breath and paused before each yes, no or not right now. She learned a lot and is still learning. Maybe you’ve learned some of these lessons, too.

She learned that busy does not equate with a good or fulfilling life.

She was reminded that the amount of hustle is not a gauge of success or worth.

She learned that her peace of mind really does matter and can be a priority even when she gives of herself to others.

She learned that how often you feed your mind and soul with things and people that bring you joy is important. You can do that and get the laundry done at the same time.

She learned that running in 10 directions at once with a frazzled mind did not make her a super mom; it just made her super sad.

Most importantly, she learned that being busy was not the culprit. Being busy with the wrong things was.

She acknowledged that some people have a greater capacity for a busier life and that she was not one of those people.

And so she stepped out of the lane that she was never supposed to be running in and she asked God where her lane was and how he would like her to run in it. Sometimes it’s a slow limp; but that’s okay too.

So here’s the journey she’s on now- The Great Unhustling….

There once was a girl who looked around at the world with all the people the coming and going, confident in where she was headed.