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Embracing the New Rhythm of Life

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I’m big on making lists.

I gave up on super detailed lists (with time slots assigned to tasks), though, a long time ago.

I’m still a paper planner girl; and I must write things down and see them on paper, rather than my phone.

I would never start my daily to do’s on time or finish them in said allotted time.

Life rarely happens on time. Not my time anyway.

Instead, I began to find a rhythm to my day and stuck with that.

I find that the rhythm of my days change with seasons. That means actual seasons but also seasons of life.

This last year of life, these last 12 months have looked like……..

Lily going to (real) school for the time ever.

My mom’s death.

Winter.

Boomer’s death.

Spring.

End of school year madness.

Summer.

Many trips and family time and getting back to nature.

Rest.

Rest and nature.

Now fall.

My winter rhythm was different, of course, than spring’s. Spring was much busier. Activities that had taken a hiatus started back up again. The days got longer. Warmer. In homeschool land, we shook off the coziness and slowness of winter and geared up to finish out the year, hopefully strong.

My winter was different this past year from any other year. My rhythm wasn’t much of a rhythm. It was more of a “Let’s just get through the days.”

Let’s just get through the holidays.

Let’s just get through my mom’s birthday.

Let’s just get through the memorial service.

After we bury her, things will get back to normal.

Lily going to school each day and tennis, homework, basket ball practice for H, Awana, youth group, our homeschool co-op day……those activities all helped me put one foot in front of the other during this last winter and spring. It wasn’t that my rhythm was off. I had no rhythm of any kind. I just woke up, did all the things, and was so glad to crawl back into bed each day.

Death and grief have it’s own rhythm.

I’m so thankful that rhythms change, though. Spring came after a winter of what seemed like a never ending successions of storms ( You know the kind of weather where you scream, ” I can’t handle another rainy day!) Then we had the unexpected joy of snow. Snow? Of all things, snow. It was magical. Eventually, the days got longer and the sun began to shine.

My heart began to feel lighter and the tears, while they came, didn’t seem to come quite as often.

I had a realization. My thought was, “Grief has taken up a seat at the table and I can’t ask it to leave. I can walk with it, though. I guess I don’t really have a choice.” Grief had fallen into step in my new spring rhythm.

Spring came with it’s own rhythm and it’s own brand of busy.

Summer came and I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t wait for all the activities to stop and for school to pause. I was counting down the days to when Lily came home and I didn’t have to ask, “So, what’s for homework?” I was ready to relish in the days of shorts, no shoes and trips to the pool. I was ready to not feel so sad all the time.

Summer was delightful. It had it’s own rhythm with a kind of low key, unstructured chaos. I love summer.

And here I come, full circle in my year. Fall.

I love summer but fall is my favorite.

The rhythm has changed again. Slowly this time. Soccer started back up. Then school. Then youth group. Then our Co-op and now Awana. The Hubs has a completely different schedule this next stretch. Thankfully all these changes didn’t happen at once. I’m learning to find my new cadence in this new season.

We recently came up on a year without my mom. Grief looks a little different now. It doesn’t hurt any less, I don’t miss her any less. I think there is an acceptance of “this is just the way things are now” that can only come with time. I’ve just made room for it. Grief is just an expression of the love we have for someone we can’t express it to anymore. It’s beautiful actually.

I’m ready for fall. I’m ready for cooler nights, baking homemade apple pie, making stews and soups. I’m ready for all things pumpkins. Give me all the pumpkins! I’m ready for watching Nightmare Before Christmas with my family while wearing my Jack Skellington socks. We are neck deep in soccer and co-op with Henry. Lily is loving school and is on the hunt for a homecoming dress. I’m ready for this new rhythm and embracing the busyness of fall while looking for those moments to be still and read and write. And drink tea, of course.

It’s Me, Hi.

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It’s me, Jen. Hi.

Can I tell you a little story? It’s about this girl who had glasses. Her 6th grade teacher gave everyone a marbled black and white composition book and throughout the year we wrote various types of things in it…. journal pages of field trips, ficticious stories, etc. Early on she learned to “write what you know” and so she wrote a lovely story in her white and black composition book about a wonderful, whimsical land called “Glasses Land”. It was made out of glass and all the characters were pairs of glasses.

Here I am, half way through my 49th year of life and I’m still “writing what I know”.

Since it’s been, as my 15 year old would say, “a hot minute” since I’ve posted on my blog, I thought I would do a little reintroduction.

Hi, I’m Jen.

While I still love all the things in that original introduction, (You can read the original About Me here) I’m a little older now and a little grayer. I’ve lost a parent. I only have one of those rascally pups. Instead of littles at my feet, I have a beautiful sophmore in high school and an energetic pre-teen. Hence, the gray.

I’ve learned to slow down a bit more and I’ve learned more than ever that I really don’t know what I’m doing. Truly. I do my best and ask God for a lot of grace.

I just celebrated 23 years with the Hubs, who is now a Sergeant. I’m not a newbie cop’s wife anymore. I’ve been in the trenches for more than a decade with my police officer. Being a police officer’s wife has taught me a lot about patience, flexibility and expectations.

I’m still a book nerd. I still love coffee more than I should but can only drink two cups…..cuz heartburn.

I’ve taken up embroidery and really love it. That was a pandemic hobby that stuck with me.

I’m still homeschooling and loving it. Though now I just homeschool one.

There have been a few constants throughout my life; and writing has been one of them. That little girl that wrote in her black and white composition book, now writes in a big girl journal. I’m still writing. Still sharing. Still telling stories. I was thinking about all my past writing endeavors, especially my blogs, and how they’ve brought me here to this space.

My first ever blog was titled Seniorita Sassy Pants (blog spot) – I guess the name was a nod to my hispanic heritage and me ackowledging the fact that I’m quite sassy? I’m not really sure. That blog was a lifetime ago but the name has a ring to it and I still stand by it! This blog started before The Hubs and I even had kids.

Then there was Sock Monkey Tales- Ahh…. good memories here. I was in the throes of early motherhood. I really cherish these posts. I’m so glad I wrote through those years. I’m especially glad I documented H’s birth and our NICU story.

Now we come to The Accidental Domestic. – That’s me now. It’s my family now. I planned for this blog to grow with us as a family and with me as a writer. Ever changing. While our family is youngish, we do not have little kids anymore. As we grow and change (and get a little older), I’ll keep writing what I know.

Thanks for joining me.

Jen (the little girl who wore glasses) Can you find me? There are only a few girls with glasses.

Hello, October

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October is like an old friend. When the calendar closes it’s last hour on September 30th and we turn the page to October 1st, I get a little giddy.

I immediately feel like making soup and wearing cozy socks.

I can’t help it.

I pray to the Lord to somehow let October be a magical cool 68 instead the steady 80 degrees that I know it’s going to be. With very hint of burnt orange, every sighting of rusty colored mums, and even the cheesy signs that say, “It’s Fall Ya’ll!”my pumpkin shaped heart beats a little faster.

I love October. I relish Autumn. I am The Pumpkin Queen. I even have a mug that says so.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving (which is when we get our Christmas tree), I turn back into regular Jen. Well, Regular Jen with a sassy side of Christmas. But now, it’s October 1st. I’m The Pumpkin Queen. In the slightly misquoted words of Mikey from Goonies…. “Down here, it’s my (our) time!” This is my favorite time of year.

My only frustration with October (and November) besides the weather, is that I want to do all my fall stuff, visit all my pumpkin patches and sit and be cozy. This pesky thing called life gets in the way, though. It’s all wonderful stuff, field trips, soccer games, school, co-op, school festivals, etc. Then there’s just the other stuff, laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming up dog hair for the billionth time.

Instead of slowing down, everything just seems to rev up.

I

3 Things

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There are a few things that mark the calendar telling us we have transitioned from one season to the next. Around here, as we transitioned from winter to spring, I noticed the days staying lighter longer. The days were gradually warmer; but the nights were chilly. Baseball started with practices, batting cages, and Saturdays cheering H on at the Little League Park.

Life definitely went from a cozy state of hibernation to a busyness that honestly took me by surprise. For over a year life had been put on hold and it seemed liked “all of a sudden” life opened back up. We hit the ground running.

Spring does tend to do that each year; but the slowness that was 2020 just magnified our fast- paced spring this year.

I’m missing my quiet days a bit but I’m happy that life in many ways seem to be returning to normal, whatever that is now.

Spring flew by and now I’m knee deep in summer. I still have over a month of summer vibes left (though, part of that will be getting ready for school) and I couldn’t be happier about it.

I’ve gotten into a practice over this past year of reflecting over one season as I head into the next. Thank you Emily P. Freeman for your Next Right Thing Journal and podcast. Thank you Covid for the months of “nothing on my calendar” and quiet to begin the practice of reflecting. As we left winter and plunged into spring, and are now enjoying summer, I want to share 3 things: 3 things I’ve learned, 3 things I’m leaving behind and 3 things I’m taking with me into this next season of summer.

So I guess that’s 9 things.

3 Things I’ve Learned:

1.) There are natural rythmns to each seasons. I’m learning not to fight them but rather go with with them and embrace them.

Winter was slower and we stayed closer to home. Spring sprung big time with its warm weather, outside activities and more. It was a little overwhelming for me; but I tried to embrace and enjoy it for what it was. It wasn’t a time to “get all the things done”. Some of those things could wait until summer with its slower pace.

2.) Being small isn’t bad.

I think Covid stripped a lot of stuff away. Some of it was good and deeply missed. Some of the things, activites and even people were not missed. And as we’ve come to “normal” life I’ve been able to decide what I want to come back to. My world and circle of people have gotten smaller. Some responsibilities and many things I thought I couldn’t cut out of my life are gone. My world has gotten smaller and I feel smaller; but it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

3.) My love of murder mystery books

I’ve stumbled onto Louise Penny and her world of Three Pines with Chief Inspector Armand Gamache and I’m forever a fan. While these are murder mystery books, they are much more about complex characters and relationships. Also, I love trying to figure out who the murderer is before the book is done.

3 Things I’m Leaving Behind:

My mask, hopefully, forever

But really just the feeling of fear that seemed to surround 2020.

Summer Mom Guilt

My kid’s summer reading challenge has been left somewhere between the pool and summer camp and nary a flashcard has been seen. My summer bucket list consists of one (Just One) house project which I’ve already completed. ( I painted my master bedroom!) I’ve listened to two audio books, read two mystery books, plus snippets of other books. I have not kept up on my housework. I’ve slept in. My goal this summer was not to feel guilt about some crazy summer expectations that only I had for myself.

Good sleep as an option

I hate to break it to all you 20 and 30 somethings. There is no guarantee of good sleep on a regular basis. Sorry, that’s just the facts, man. I was getting the exact opposite of good sleep, though, and I wasn’t getting nearly enough. The thing is a lot of my poor sleep was from my poor choices. I needed to adult up and make better sleep a priority.

3 Things I’m Taking With Me:

My love of murder mystery books

I’m pretty much hooked on Louise Penny books but I’m open to try other authors. Any suggestions?

Wearing Dresses

One day I walked out of Target with three dresses and a jumper. A jumper! If you know me, you’ve probably never seen me in a jumper. I can’t go back. Long, flowing dresses are the thing. Now, every single thing I bought that day was blue or had blue in it. So, I need to work on my color palette. Bring on those dresses, though!

The idea that my health and taking time to be healthy is not a luxury; it’s a necessity.

Oh boy, this is a whole blog post on it’s own. Let’s just say that taking care of me (like most moms) was not at the top of any list. You pay a price when you do that, though. It’s not the price I want to pay. Like, the poor sleep choices, I’m adulting up and making better choices about my health. Yes, it takes some time. It’s not a luxury. It’s a necessity.

Enjoying these sweet last days of summer.

Baby Step #10: The Power of 15 Minutes

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I can do a lot of things for 15 minutes, easy. I can scroll Instagram for 15 minutes. I can work in my garden for 15 minutes. I can read a really good book for 15 minutes. I can cuddle on the couch with my family and watch 15 + minutes of a fun show.

Get it? We really can do anything for 15 minutes. The enjoyable activities are a piece of cake. Cleaning, picking up, tidying, well, those aren’t so fun. There is power in 15 minutes. Grab a timer. It’s really not that long; but we can get a lot accomplished.I’ve been building from the 2 Minute Hot Spot:

  • Wednesday’s Hot Spot: My Living room ledge
  • Thursday’s Hot Spot: Kitchen Table
  • Friday’s Hot Spot: Kitchen Table

I’ve also been building from the 5 Minute Room Rescue:

  • Wednesday: Master Bedroom
  • Thursday: Master Bedroom
  • Friday: Livingroom

Next, I added the 15 Minutes Declutter to my Evening Routine:

I can’t Clean or Organize Clutter. So Decluttering for 15 Minutes a Day is the first and essential step to getting my house to feeling of clean and calm I desire.

Like I said in a previous post, I spent a few hours Decluttering my Master Bedroom a few weeks ago. I still have spots I need to tackle, though.

I lump my Master Bedroom and Bathroom together because I consider it one space. On Friday, I set my timer for 15 minutes and tackled the space under my bathroom sink. I have a small 3 drawer caddy that I quickly went through. That has extra floss, tooth paste, razors etc. I didn’t have much to purge there. Next to the caddy I had empty cleaner bottles and various other bottles I didn’t need. There were a few other things I could toss as well. In 15 minutes the space was emptier and looked much more organized. (Not the pile of “who knows what” it looked like before.)

Spoiler Alert: Decluttering never really ends. It’s kinda like laundry. Sorry to burst any bubbles. It was a hard pill for me to swallow; but once we see Decluttering as an ongoing process, we can make it a habit and a way of life Once we declutter, surface cleaning becomes so much easier. Or so I’ve been told.

Decluttering Tip: Have a trash bag or donate box handy when you declutter. You only want to touch items once. Touch them once when you put them in the bag or box. Then, they go directly into your car so you can drive around with them for 3 months in your trunk before you bring them to Good Will.

Kidding!!! Who does that. Not me!! No, never…………

This is actually the situation in my bedroom right now. This pile all needs to go to Good Will. I do not suggest leaving it on your bedroom floor like I am currently doing. Please do not follow my example! This week my goal is to get this to a donation site and out of my sight for good.

It seems like I’m just randomly picking rooms to Rescue or Declutter. Fly Lady has a method for tackling your home and I’m getting into it in the next Baby Step. Stay Tuned.

Baby Step#9: Five Minute Room Rescue

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The Fly Lady’s method is all about building habits to keep our house tidy and running smoothly. This isn’t just about keeping a clean house. It’s about managing our home without it overtaking our lives. It’s about making our house a home, a haven.

I don’t especially love cooking, cleaning and the like. I sure like the results when I do all those things, though. My family likes it, too.

This is why I started doing Fly Lady. I haven’t gone through the steps as quickly as I thought I would. I’m still showing up, though. I’m not going to quit.

It’s not about making my home perfect and picture worthy (Though, I’d like a few of those days!). If your house is messy and cluttered, and you try these steps, it is going to look better. Just in the past weeks with me only completing 9 of the 31 steps, I see a difference.

Today we talk about about the 5 Minute Room Rescue.

First, let’s chat about CLUTTER for just a bit.

You can’t clean or organize clutter. You just can’t.

I know. I know. Everyone talks about clutter. Marie Kondo had a whole series on Netflix, about clutter, which I binged watched in one day.

I am starting to work on the clutter in my home. Step 10 is going to help with this. So, while we will get to clutter in our next step, a 5 Minute Room Rescue is going to help us keep the house picked up while we tackle clutter.

Now, I could have gone about this a few different ways. I could have picked the room in the house that was the worst and most cluttered (Henry’s room). I could have picked the most visible room in the house. This is the one people see when they first enter my home. (Kitchen) Or, I could have picked the room that brings me the most stress when I enter. (My bedroom)

I picked my bedroom.

Your 5 Minute Room Rescue will just start with surface cleaning. We are going to work our way up to decluttering. Just get started.

5 minutes a day. That’s it. Just 5 minutes. Pick up the visible trash first. Next, put things back in their proper place. Then hit the spots that need a little more thought.

Remember, the goal isn’t to declutter. We are just cleaning.

To be fully honest, about two weeks or so ago, I was so fed up with the piles in my bedroom that I spent a few hours in my room decluttering. If you have time, do that! Get in there and declutter. It feels so good.

Today, I timed myself for 5 minutes. I worked really hard for those 5 minutes. I did zero decluttering. It was just putting things in their proper place and taking dirty mugs to the dishwasher.

If I keep working in my bedroom this next week, those 5 minutes will add up. Then I can move on to another room. Fly Lady has a way to go about this with her Zone Cleaning Method; but I haven’t got that far in the Baby Steps yet.

I will probably add a 5 Minute Room Rescue to my Evening Routine. I’ll try that for the next week and see if that is a good time for that task.

More thoughts on decluttering to come! Let’s take it once step at a time, though.

Baby Step #8: Morning Routine

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We’ve had some unexpected interruptions these past couple weeks. We evacuated from our home due to a Wild Fire (You can read about that here). We are back at home, safe and sound. I’ve been wanting to get back to my Baby Steps and the routines I was trying to build.

When things are chaotic and not normal, routines actually really help. They bring in structure even if you cannot fully complete your usual routine. You don’t have to make a decision on WHAT to do, which is often hard during a crisis. You just follow the routine and slowly get back to order.

The Fly Lady starts with establishing an Evening or Before Bed Routine. With an evening routine in place, the Morning Routine is more likely to happen.

So, it took me a few days of doing my Before Bed Routine before I really focused on my Morning Routine.

Honestly, I’m still trying to get all the things on my Morning Routine list done. Most days I do most of the list. I have yet to complete it all. I’ll get there, though.

MORNING ROUTINE

  • Fill Diffuser
  • Coffee and Time With Jesus
  • 2 Minute Yoga
  • Get Ready and Dressed To Slippers
  • Start Laundry
  • Swish and Swipe
  • Empty Dishwasher (Lily’s job. Sometimes I need to do it.)
  • Sweep * (If I don’t sweep the night before)

    What is Swish and Swipe? It’s just a quick swish of the toilet bowl and wipe down of the toilet seat. The Fly Lady goes into more detail about that in her book .

2 Minute Yoga? Ok, I’ll talk more about that in another post; but it’s
exactly how it sounds. Yoga for 2 minutes.

Here’s to resetting and getting back to routines!

Reset, Routines, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

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So, what’s getting you through these trying times known as 2020?

Today is the 3rd anniversary of The Tubbs Fire. This was the wildfire that forever changed my hometown, my county, and our community. Things haven’t been the same since. Fire season is now a very real and constant threat for us.

5 days ago our family got back after being evacuated from our home for 6 days due to the Glass Fire here in Northern California.

This was taken from our front porch. The fire came over the hill to about a mile
from our house.

August and September had already been a doozy of a month from smoke from another fire, power outages, and well, the list goes on.

I saw the fire coming over the hill just about a mile from our house Sunday night. Our power went out and so we packed up and went to a friend’s house for the night until Andy got off work. With our two big dogs, it’s hard to find a place to stay when these evacuations happen. Thankfully this time around Andy had the week off so we took the Shangri-La and headed for bluer skies. We spent the week up near Tahoe and had an unexpected EvacuCation. I’m very thankful we had a place to go and that we could all be together. I’m grateful we had a home to come home to.

The Shangri-La. Our home away from home.
Snow Flower Lake
We are not strangers to camping.

Coming back left Andy and I feeling really tired, physically and mentally. The time away was nice; but being evacuated is not relaxing in the least.

It has taken me these 5 days to begin to feel like life is getting back to somewhat normal. There were some added bumps to the already bumpy week. When we returned home we had unexpected car trouble and a very unexpected trip to the doctor with X-rays to boot.

I seriously cannot make this stuff up. 2020 has been like a very bad comic book written by a drunk person.

So, I RESET.

I have to.

I have to start over, start new, put the crazy weeks behind me and just do the next right thing I know to do.

We are getting our house back together. I’m doing my best to get back to our school routine. I’m giving myself a butt load of grace because….. car problems and unexpected Dr. visits.

I get back to MY ROUTINES. I’ve been working on my routines here. Routines help to put some structure back into our life when things get chaotic.

I bought some REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS and put them in the fridge because I like my chocolate cold. Stress eating? Maybe. It’s helping, though.

I’m admitting that I can’t do it all and that I’m tired. We are all tired.

I’m choosing rest over getting it all done. (After I caught up on laundry and grocery shopping. Food and clean underwear are a priority.)

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who
are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

I’m going to take God up on that promise.

Baby Step #7: Before Bed Routine

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The last couple of weeks have been wonkier than usual. Normally, I would let the wonkiness of life get me off track. This time around, the wonkier it gets the more I strive for routine.

If you’ve read last week’s post, Baby Step#5, you read about life in my home state of California lately. Crazy. So I haven’t been going through the baby steps as quickly as I planned.

Today I took my dad to the hospital for his hernia surgery. Because of Covid, I couldn’t go in with him. While I’m waiting to get him and my in-laws have my kiddos, I’m taking a few minutes to write about the next baby step: Evening Routines or Before Bed Routines.

My point is, life is full of disruptions; but if I stick to these routines, I really think it will make my life more peaceful and less stressful. So I keep plugging ahead.

I think that I will actually have two night-time routines. The Evening Routine (and the one I’m talking about today) would be what I would do after dinner time and before the kids go to bed. My Before Bed Routine would be just that, before bed. I’m not there yet, though. That might sound too complicated for some. I’ll just call it my Evening Routine for this post.

Why am I starting with my Evening Routine and not the Morning Routine? First, this is how the Fly Lady does it!! Second, I think a good evening routine will set me up for a successful morning.

Here’s my Evening Routine so far. I put it in my control journal. I just wrote it out simply on a piece of binder paper. Nothing fancy here!

EVENING ROUTINE:

  • Shine Sink
  • Sweep
  • Living Room Pick Up
  • Fold and Deliver Laundry
  • 2 Minute Hot Spot
  • Check Tomorrow’s Calendar

*I’m usually folding laundry at night. So what I’ve been doing is putting any laundry that I fold of the kids into a basket and leave it by their door. Then they put away their own laundry in the morning. I’ve been doing this for a few weeks and it’s been working really well. Yay!

** Today I got dressed down to the actual shoes since I was taking my dad to the hospital. Everyday, I’ve been getting dressed before I start my day. It has made a positive difference.

Baby Step #6: Two Minute Hot Spot

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All right, I was excited to actually clean something.

Just to be clear, I’ve been cleaning my house. I’ve been sweeping and I even mopped! (I haven’t mopped the floor in quite a long time.) I’ve been doing laundry and my dishes. My goal here is to get into good routines, though.

Honestly, I haven’t been accomplishing everything on my morning routine. I’m getting there, though. Baby Steps #7 and #8 really dive into morning and evening routines.

Let’s talk about Baby Step #6. What is a Hot Spot???

If you’ve read or are reading Martha Cilley’s book, Sink Reflections, chapter three talks all about CLUTTER and HOT SPOTS in our home. I think I will give CLUTTER it’s own post later.

I will tell you this, Clutter loves Hot Spots. Here’s the definition of a HOT SPOT: A Hot Spot is an area that, when left unattended, gradually and insidiously takes over your home. If left unattended the Hot Spot will grow and take over the whole room as well as make the house look awful.

Today’s job is to pick a Hot Spot and set my timer for two minutes and put stuff away. Identifying a Hot Spot was not difficult; I have many. I picked the first eye sore that caught my attention when I entered my house, my ledge by the front door.

The point is to pick up and put away for two minutes and then stop. You can do anything for two minutes, right? I was able to clear it off in two minutes, though.

I wish I had thought to take a before picture. Trust me. It was piled with stuff.

So now, I’m going to add “Two Minute Hot Spot” to my routines (probably evening routine). I’ll hit this one everyday and if it’s already clear, I’ll move on to another Hot Spot.

Every home has HOT SPOTS. I made a list of all my Hot Spots on a sticky note. I have NINE!!! Here the 5 most problematic spots. I picked the ledge first because it was one of the first things I noticed and I knew I could clear it quickly.

Give yourself an easy win. Pick the most noticeable or easiest Hot Spot first.

Other Hot Spots I Need To Tackle:

  • Red cabinet by the front door
  • Entry way dresser
  • Kitchen counter
  • My bedroom dresser top

Did you miss Steps #1-#5?